By Terri Maldonado, ACC, MCC

Whether you call the muddle you’re in a mistake or a failure, the labels you put on the situation are probably all negative. The feelings you have when you try to describe what happened may range from denial to outrage. Don’t get me wrong; the idea that failure is okay is ridiculous. Every cloud may have a silver lining but it isn’t always easy to find it.
Failures are an inevitable part of life so it’s important to learn the right way to deal with them. I recently made a whopper of a poor decision. After beating myself up for weeks, I knew I needed to deal with the circumstances and move on. No one wants to learn the hard way but sometimes that is the best teacher. Here’s what I learned. Maybe some of it will help you.
Begin by looking back. Many people will tell you to put the failure out of your mind and move on. Taking that approach will just open the door to making the same mistake again. You will learn nothing by ignoring the experience. I like to use the assessment criteria Charles Schwab uses within his company to differentiate between noble failure and stupid failure.
Did you have a good plan, one you thought through carefully and implemented with sufficient discipline? Can you look back in review and conclude that what you did was thoughtfully done? As I looked back on the events leading to my decision to close CruiseGal and work for someone else, I had consulted my advisors, served for more than six months on the advisory council of the company I joined and obtained both personal and financial referrals on all the companies to whom I referred my independent contractors (ICs). I had a written plan for the transition of my company and its people and a written employment contract for my future.
Next on Schwab’s criteria is whether you have a reasonable contingency plan to deal with any initial failure and did you implement it? A contingency plan is not a lot different than any other business plan. It usually has a much shorter time span but it does contain measurable goals and strategies for achieving them.
Like your business plan, it will be much more successful if it is written down. Keep it simple. Review it often and follow it as soon as it becomes clear that you need it. My contingency planning always follows the format: If this ... then what? I had a contingency plan for my finances and for the ICs. I didn’t have a contingency plan for myself. If you’re like me and have a tendency to care for others before yourself, this may be your weakness as well.
The last item on the Schwab criteria is to debrief yourself. Ask what you can learn from the experience that will lead you to being smarter next time. That’s what I’m in the process of doing now. Part of that process has been looking at the advice leaders in business give for dealing with mistakes and failures. There are some concepts for dealing with failure that showed up in every leader’s advice.
Don’t deny responsibility for your part of the failure. Denial will make you defensive. Worse, you will lose all your credibility when your part in the failure comes to light. Few things are as pathetic as watching someone blame their mistake on someone else. Even though it will initially be painful, admitting your failure will earn you respect. It requires courage but shows you have the integrity to be a leader.
Be sure to tell anyone who needs to know. Don’t interpret this to mean gossip or maligning others. What I mean is, don’t wait for someone to point a finger at you and label you as incompetent. Step up to the plate and admit your failure. Share what you can about the causes and the steps you will take to correct them. Keep focused on your role in the events. If someone else has a portion of the responsibility for the failure, they will have to admit it themselves. You cannot do it for them and trying to assess blame elsewhere will only make you look foolish.
Take some time to get over the failure. Rest is the best medicine for wounds and failure may make you feel wounded. But, don’t isolate yourself. Contact with others can help you get back on track. It is inevitable ... you will hear about the failures others have had. There may be important lessons in the listening.
“You aren’t alone.” “We all have periods of doubt and chaos in our lives.” “We win a few and lose a few.” “The most important thing in the ups and downs is to learn.” “Each effort should be better than the last.”
All of these axioms are meaningful, but boring. My last piece of advice is for those of you trying to offer support to those of us who have just had a monumental morass suck us down. Bring on the humor and help lighten our day. Buy us a drink, give us a hug and let us know we are still important to you.
Now that I’ve had some time and done my assessment, I didn’t make a stupid failure. It was a noble failure. It was not an accident. I am currently unemployed and my successful business venture, CruiseGal, is closed. But, I am at the end of my rest. And, I’m ready to take another chance on myself and on the industry I love. See you somewhere ... and, pretty soon!